Another Name For Nothing Left To Loose

I'm reporting to you from the undisputed myth-making capitol of the world... Los Angeles. I'm not in "the business" as they call it. I'm a completely unknown and invisible fine artist. I also run a homeless shelter. Admittedly, I came here with the hope of fulfilling my dreams. The only difference between myself, and the thousands of others who make the same pilgrimage to LA, is my dreams are more like topsy purvey hallucinations. I've never quite understood them and (unlike the majority of waiters and waitress in this town) I'm well aware that they often lead me astray (If you don't believe me, check out the rest of this blog). I will not deny, however, that I'm here along with a literal army of fellow day dreamers, flakes and, yes, a select few hard working geniuses, to fulfill a dream.


Many of my fellow pilgrims are possessed with an idea that seems to have replaced the American Dream; MAKING IT BIG! For some that means a Beverley Hills address, Gucci, Armani, and Lamborghini. Before you judge or scoff, I must point out that these so called materialists are willing to get off their asses and actually move their bodies to achieve this shit. Millions of us share this same fantasy but are not willing to leave our crappy jobs, couches, and mega-super-stores to achieve it. A mere lottery ticket is enough to help many of us roll out of bed in the morning.

True, not all of us are so materialistic. The majority of us will welcome a little style and a few nice things, but what we really want is something much more elusive .. freedom. We don't won't to be told what, when, where and how to do any more. We're fed up with being "cogs".  We want to be self-actualized "humans beings" fulfilling our purpose in life without resistance or criticism. We want to be one of those "people" people thanking god for our "blessed life." For those of you who think these motivations are more "pure" I must point out that there are far more people out here selling this myth than there are selling mansions, Lamborghinis, or even movies.  Many of them are wearing Gucci and Armani.  Chis Rock describes this dichotomy as the "career" versus the "job". He warns that those with "jobs" have way too much time on the planet because their jobs suck so bad while those with "careers" don't have nearly enough time because they are loving life so much they cannot possibly get everything done. Other "Profits" of the highly productive passion driven life include Anthony Robbins, Oprah, and a bunch of other mega rich successful people I'm sure you've heard of.A question that I have never heard asked to one of these super humans is "are you free?" I bring this up because I recently came across the poem "The Strongest Of The Strange" by Charles Bukowski. A line in that poem made me re-think the whole "making it big" thing:


"You won’t see them often for wherever the crowd is they are not. Those odd ones, not many but from them come the few good paintings, the few good symphonies, the few good books and other works... and from the best of the strange ones... perhaps nothing. They are their own paintings their own books their own music their own work." 

And from the best... perhaps nothing. They are their work. Awesome! 

For over a decade I've spent my daylight hours serving junkies, alcoholics, and schizophrenics. Most "respectable" people seem, at best, to feel sorry for them and, at worst, consider them worthless leaches on society. Years ago I came up with this theory that these outcasts were the descendants of the radical individuals that settled this country. Just like the early American pioneers, they live their lives completely on their own terms and no police, judges, jails, psychiatrists, social workers, psyche wards... or even gods are going tell them what to do or not do. Now we're talking freedom. Not abstract flag waving freedom. Real freedom. The problem they have in today's world is not that they need "treatment." They need a new frontier.  Trees to cut down, sod to bust, animals to kill, asses to kick. I'm sure you'll agree, a complicated situation in this day and age.

One of my unofficial slogans has become "no good deed goes unpunished." I've often been asked by those close to me why I do this thankless work. Bukowski gave me my answer. I'm surrounded by masterpieces. Works of pure genius that most people will never get to know. I get to see what freedom actually looks like. To be honest, I'm not sure it's for me. More entertaining to watch than 90% of the movies out there, though.  

Off With Our Heads!

recently leaked painting by George W. Bush 

painting by Frida Kahlo

Yours Truely

I once hated George W. Bush as much as the Tea Baggers now hate Obama. I literally pictured his head on a stake. That changed when I saw him telling Charlie Rose the colors he would use to paint his tie during an interview. I instantly liked him. It all makes sense now. The reason he is so insane is that he is an artist like me. I'm sure some pretty bad stuff would go down if the world ever had the misfortune to have me as a President. Sure he is painting the most mundane things you can possibly imagine... cats, dogs and landscapes... but isn't that kinda awesome! I believe that there is a slacker (and painter) in the heart of every true artist. We are the ones you used to hear about that stop and smell the roses.  If we had complete freedom and didn't have to worry about what anybody thought about us, we wouldn't try to make masterpieces, save lives, prevent disease or end war. That assumes too much. The best artists are too objective. More than anybody we see the potential beauty in pain, suffering and "ugliness" of every kind. To avoid interfering or competing with God (who we respect as the ultimate master of ambiguity)... we'd pass the time painting the harmless objects of our affection... ourselves, our kids, naked ladies,  our pets... other peoples pets... and throw in an occasional tranquil landscape. GW is one of us! What a relief.

You Are Beautiful & Charming!

Thanks for looking in.



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Y2K Bug

As we approach the end of the world (December 21st, 2012) I must admit I'm a little anxious. But fear not. I can still remember the last time I survived the end of the world. Believe me when I say there is tremendous potential in armageddon.

On December 31, 1999 I was preparing for a new life. A life without computers and everything that came with them. I believed all the hype about the Y2K “Millennium Bug.” The experts who were saying that the internal clock in millions of computers was going to be set to zero at midnight  (unleashing a form of technological Armageddon) confirmed everything I had always believed. Computers were sterile, evil machines that were accelerating a process that TV had started when I was a kid… turning me into a useless couch potato. I was excited.

Seven days later I pulled the plug on the water reserves I was storing in my bathtub. Taking a computer catalog off the recycling pile, I began shopping for a new computer while I soaked in a sudsy bubble bath. That was the beginning of my fascination with expressing myself through computers and technology. Computers, cameras, software, the Internet and printers. It was 2000 and I had discovered a new medium.

New Years Excuses!

Happy New Year! 2011 and I’m still fat, broke, and tired. I haven’t gone anywhere near a scale lately but I’m pretty sure I’m fatter then ever.  I’m happy to report, though, that I must be less tired… or you wouldn’t be reading this. Fatigue is a sure way of stifling hobbies like writing for a blog that nobody reads. I think I’m about to make a break through, though. But be warned: I have a philosophical dilemma and, for some crazy reason, I ‘m compelled to sort through it here… even though I know I should probably keep it to myself. Perhaps it’s because I know I don’t have the answers to my problems and I’m reaching out for help. Feel free to comment.

I started out this journey with a commitment to becoming a healthy, physically fit, financially secure, vegan. In true slob fashion, over a year has gone by and I continue to eat meat (and a bunch of other crap I know is bad for me), drink coffee and booze, spend money without saving, watch a lot of TV and not exercise. The only thing I don’t do anymore is smoke… and the only reason I don’t do that is I never really smoked in the first place. I have dabbled here and there with some healthier habits but the bottom line is I haven’t changed my ways. Since I was a kid I’ve been a believer in the wisdom of the Jedi Master Yoda who said “there is no try. You either do or you don’t do.’ I haven’t done shit. But why? As much as I’d like to start this year off with renewed vigor and a fresh commitment to a better and happier me, I know I have to answer this question before I can move forward. Why haven’t I been motivated to change? Here are a few of my latest excuses:

#1- I’m perfectly happy with who I am, what I eat and 
      what I do.The only thing missing is admitting this to 
      myself.

#2 – I don’t feel good (or happy) but I’m lazy and do what’s easy. As destructive as I know my lifestyle is, I haven’t had any consequences bad enough, yet, to force me to change. I haven’t hit “rock bottom.”

#3 – I‘m a mere product of my environment. I have the illusion of choice and control but the truth is... I’m exactly what my environment requires me to be. I’m a tiny cog in a vast, mindless, purposeless (but intricately interconnected) system. The reason I act like a fat, lazy, and bloated American is because that’s what I am. That’s what the majority of us are.

     #4 – Other reasons having to do with extra terrestrials, the ozone layer, alignment of the stars, the Mayan calendar, and a bunch of other stuff that I’m too embarrassed to admit in public… but still consider possible factors.

     #5 - Analysis leads to paralysis.

     #6 – Pride, ego, and vanity are a trap. On some level, I know that none of this really matters. Change is necessary and possible but I’m focusing on the wrong things. Perhaps it’s time for a new blog? “Staring Into The Void: A human consciousness being one with the Universe”? How does that sound?